


When a Stranger Calls...or Falls Through a Hole in Time and Space

by Hippocrocodillopig



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Funny, Gen, One Shot, Short, Short One Shot, Valkyrie Cain - Freeform, skulduggery pleasant - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 16:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippocrocodillopig/pseuds/Hippocrocodillopig
Summary: Just a quick one shot of a fight that Skul and Val have with one of my OCs.





	When a Stranger Calls...or Falls Through a Hole in Time and Space

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start of a series of potential one-shots from the Skulduggery Pleasant fandom!!  
> This particular one shot takes place after Dark Days and before Mortal Coil.

Valkyrie sat on the swing set by herself waiting for Skulduggery to show up. He had asked to meet her here, she didn't know why she just knew it was urgent, so she waited. Car after car pulled up and subsequently left leaving her wondering if Skulduggery forgot about her, again. He once left her in a biker bar after leaving to grab some "fresh air" which was something she didn't know skeletons needed. The Sun was dipping low over the horizon, the chill was beginning to set in, but she couldn't feel it thanks to the clothes Ghastly made for her. It was starting to get dark and she didn't want to leave her reflection alone for too long, plus she was feeling hungry and couldn't wait for dinner. Valkyrie got up from the swing set and started her walk home.

"Excuse me, where do you think you're going?" Said a voice from behind her. She turned around and saw a figure standing tall and slim silhouetted against the sunlight.

"You're a dick." Valkyrie responded with no hint of sarcasm.

"What do you mean? Last time I checked I was a skeleton and a detective so I guess I'm a skeleton detective, oh and I'm also a sorcerer so that makes me a skeleton-detective-sorcerer and I'm also a gentleman so I guess I'm a skeleton-detective-sorcerer-gentleman.... But maybe not in that order." He responded, Valkyrie could only imagine him smirking whilst he said that.

"Nope, you're a dick. A gentleman dick in fact. The worst kind of dick." She fired back, still slightly pissed.

"Fair enough, I mean I am but I see no reason for you to be calling me such profanities." He said leaning against the bar on the swing set.

"Ok, just of the top of my head you've left me here for hours. I texted you when I got here and you never responded so I sat on the swing set by myself like I was in some foreign film dealing with my internal struggles of being too French or whatever!"

"Too French?" Skulduggery questioned.

"I don't know, I don't watch foreign films." She said defensively.

"It shows", Skulduggery said under his breath, Valkyrie shot him a look that spelled something along the line of 'if you don't stop talking I will rip your head off and use it as a bowling ball'. "I mean yes I am a dick. But you really can't blame me, I was lost in a dimension where time was irrelevant, where Gods used me as their play things where each day I would get ripped apart and have to put myself together again. So sorry for being a tad late."

"You do not get to use the "Alternate-Dimension-Card" this time." Valkyrie said.

"Of course I can, it was traumatic." Skulduggery replied matter-of-factly.

"Last week you used it so you didn't have to go on the mission and track down that guy who kept making fountains and taps squirt out custard instead of water and a few days before that you used it to get out of helping the Sanctuary contain the prison break."

"It was all under control they didn't need me."

"The custard guy was one of the guys who escaped..."

"A mere fault on my part but remember, giant Gods ripped me apart, bone by bone. So it's ok."

"No Skullduggery it's not," Valkyrie pleaded but Skulduggery stood quietly. "Nothing I say will change what you do will it?

"No it will not. I thought you knew this by now."

"I mean I do but we've been at this whole saving the world thing for a while, I thought I might have some sway in what you do." Valkyrie said, her sentence trailing off.

"My dear Valkyrie of course you, you just don't realise it yet."

"Cryptic but slightly assuring. Classic. Anyway, this getting slightly too sentimental for my liking, so why did you ask me out here?"

"Well you see—" Skulduggery's words were interrupted by a flash of light and faint buzzing sound. "Ah, impeccable timing as usual."

"What's this?"

"Oh, you'll see." Skulduggery replied with what sounded like a cheesy grin. The buzzing in the air got louder, almost electric. Another flash of light shone, this time brighter and for longer. Suddenly the air ripped itself apart and a man fell through and landed on his face with a muffled grunt. The bag slung over his shoulder clanged as he fell as if it were full of pots and pans. He stood up wiping dirt from his face and picking up various knick-knacks he dropped, the hole behind him closed, sealing away another world or time. The man's hair was black and slicked back, he had a bit of stubble and was quite short for his height, he looked around trying to gather his bearings. The sun had almost completely set and the long shadows kept Skulduggery and Valkyrie out of his sight.

"Who is this guy?" Valkyrie asked in hushed tones.

"Shh, I don't think he realises we are here." Skulduggery replied, cocking his head in interest.

"Who is he?" Valkyrie asked again a little more aggressively.

"His name is Jarred, he's not magical in anyway but somehow he got tangled up in magical affairs. He took an interest and has become a trader on the black market. He steals, bribes and charms his way through life, selling to the magical and non-magical. We've been sent to stop him." Skulduggery said keeping his eyes on Jared at all times.

"You really couldn't have told me this through a text?" Valkyrie asked.

"I mean sure, but this is more interesting, I want to see how you handle this."

"What do you mean?"

"I need you to bring him in." Skulduggery said leaning close and giving her a strong nudge. Valkyrie stumbled forward into the ever-fleeting sunlight and caught Jared's eye.

"Who are you?" His voice was weighed down by a thick Australian accent. Valkyrie shot a look back to where Skulduggery was standing, trying to express her anger but he was gone. She was alone, again. She turned back to Jared and did her best to improvise.

"My name is Valkyrie Cain and I'm with the Sanctuary. You are.... under arrest.... I guess."

"The Sanctuary? You got to be bloody joking. I just escaped you lot." Jared said, slightly annoyed more than anything.

"You gotta come with me." Valkyrie said sternly.

"Yeah, I hear what you are saying but I'm gonna have to respectfully decline, I need to be somewhere you see and if I don't get there...well it won't be pretty." He said as if he could talk his way out of the situation.

"I'm afraid you don't really have a choice." She held up her hand and ignited a fireball.

"Ah elemental. Nice, I got just the thing." He fumbled in his bag, metal clanging against metal and the odd sound of a dog toy was followed by Jared pulling out a spherical object that had various engravings. He twisted it and the top half turned, clicking every few degrees it rotated. He let go and It sprung back to it's original shape, releasing a wave of pale blue energy outwards. Valkryrie's fireball puffed out with a wisp of smoke. She clicked her fingers trying to reignite the fire but nothing happened.

"What did you do?" She demanded.

"I actually have no clue, I stole this of this warlord looking guy and I heard it was good against you types. Never needed to use it til now."

"You dick!" Valkyrie snarled. She ran forward hurling herself towards him. Jared quickly reach into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a lighter. But when he triggered the spark a bright light flowed forward, blinding Valkyrie. She stumbled forward waving her arms around trying to connect with anything to grab her bearings. She could hear his faint whimpers every time he dodged her flailing arms.

"Just give up already darl'. There's nothing you can do, you're alone."

"That isn't entirely true." Said Skulduggery. Valkyrie heard him cock his gun, presumably it was pointed at Jared's head. "One move and you won't have a face, not that you are good looking or anything. Your face literally serves no purpose, aside from letting you see, taste and smell I guess. I mean you could live without it and you wouldn't be any uglier is what I'm trying to say. But I'm sure you like your stupid face don't you?"

"Y-yes." Jared stammered.

"Hey Val, you ok?" Skulduggery asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, my vision and powers are returning...slowly" She said, she was blinking furiously trying to get her vision back faster. She could just make out the silhouettes of Skulduggery and Jared.

"Is your vision good enough for you to knock out Jared?"

"Oh you bet." Valkyrie said, smirking.

"Wait wh-". Whatever Jared was going to say was cut short by a clean right hook and probable broken jaw. He sprawled out on the dirt as if he passed out drunk.

"Good job." Skulduggery said with a tone of pride.

"Yeah no thanks to you." She replied.

"I helped, I held the gun to his head and everything. I even called him ugly."

"You did alright, just cuff him and let's go. I'm ready to sleep."


End file.
